


yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

by crooked



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-29
Updated: 2010-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-11 07:52:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crooked/pseuds/crooked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before things went pear-shaped, they were like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

**Author's Note:**

> [original post](http://crooked.livejournal.com/265666.html) @ livejournal.

"Shhh!" Sirius hisses, glaring over his shoulder at the almost mirror-image crouched behind him. He makes more noise trying to shush his younger brother than the sound of Regulus bumping his elbow into the side of the dinghy (steamer trunk), but that's neither here nor there.

Regulus wrinkles his nose in a scowl, but he doesn't say anything in response. Sirius has his captain's hat on (one of their mother's large, floppy hats), and Regulus is just his first mate. He doesn't want to risk having to walk the plank (jumping off the end of the ridiculously high four poster bed in one of several guest bedrooms).

Sirius smirks, pleased with the power his hat (robin's egg blue, complete with a bird's nest and three small canaries in it) yields him, but he quickly turns his focus back on the island (overstuffed settee) they'd rowed close to.

"Pirates," he warns sagely, indicating the rival captain (Uncle Alphard, who neither boy has noticed has one eye barely open) asleep on the shore. "Captain Alphard stole a trunk of Spanish gold from me, and I'll be takin' it back!"

Regulus grips his oar (umbrella) tightly, steeling himself for the upcoming battle. "Aye, Captain," he says in a whisper, keeping his eyes on the enemy. "On your orders, sir."

"Make ready the long nines, Black," Sirius says, and he pushes the cannonballs (ebony and ivory chess pieces from their father's set in the library) back to his brother.

Regulus works quickly and in silence, loading the cannon (a crude slingshot Sirius fashioned out of a tuning fork and a scrap of silk stockings) with ammunition. "Ready to fire, Captain."

Sirius holds up a finger as the rival pirate suddenly shifts, turning in the sand and facing their dinghy. He breathes easier when he realises Captain Alphard is still asleep. He looks back at Regulus, his face solemn. "Tis been an honour having you on me crew," he says, holding out a hand to his first mate. It's his standard 'if I should die in battle' speech.

Regulus grips his brother's hand and shakes it, then gives a salute. "The honour has been mine in serving you, Captain."

A moment later, Sirius has jumped up on the bow of the vessel, and he yells, "FIRE AT WILL!" Regulus begins to launch cannonball after cannonball at the sleeping pirate, who jumps up with a _YARR, I'M UNDER ATTACK!_

The relentless barrage continues for hours (one-and-a-half minutes, really) until Captain Alphard, bloodied and caught without his sword, raises his white handkerchief as a sign of surrender.

"Ye caught me unawares, and this old seadog has no choice but to give up," he says, and Sirius and Regulus whoop in triumph as they jump out of their boat and rush onto the shore.

"It was only a matter of time, Unc— Captain Alphard," Sirius says, grinning from ear to ear in a very un-piratey way. "I swore revenge the day you took my gold!"

"Aye, argh!" Regulus enthusiastically chimes in.

Alphard reaches into his trouser pockets and hesitantly pulls out two pieces of Spanish gold (two galleons). "Fair enough, Captain Black, fair enough. Here be yer gold. Now leave an old, disgraced pirate be. I've nothing more to give ye."

Sirius bites into the gold to make sure it's authentic, and he's satisfied with the results. "You're wise to not put up much of a fight." He slings an arm around Regulus' shoulders, the crooked grin still playing across his face. "We be the fiercest pirate crew to ever sail the Caribbean!"

"Aye," Alphard concedes, trying to hide his own grin. "That ye are. Now castoff before the sounds of our battle attract Walburga, the great Kraken."

Sirius and Regulus burst into a fit of laughter at that, and they make a hasty retreat, heading straight upstairs and forgetting all about their boat.


End file.
